Raise your glasses – it’s time for a celebration of our favourite libations! Drinking alcohol quotes are one of life’s great pleasures, bringing friends and family together to share good times and good spirits. Whether it’s wine, beer, whiskey, or cocktails, alcohol has long inspired some witty words and wisdom over the years. From poets and authors to musicians and comedians, many great minds have mused on the joys of indulging in alcoholic beverages.
In this post, we’ve gathered over 100 of the wittiest, wisest, and most hilarious drinking alcohol quotes to make you smile, nod, and raise a glass in agreement. You’ll find funny quips about wine, beer musings from Mark Twain, martini wisdom from famous actresses, and plenty of sharp remarks about whiskey. These alcohol quotes run the gamut from poetic to practical, amusing to astute.
So fix yourself a drink and settle in as we “wine” about some of the best drinking alcohol quotes of all time. This collection offers lots of laugh-out-loud humour as well as thoughtful takes on drinking in moderation. And yes, there are plenty of quotes just about how much we love our wine and cocktails too! Whatever your drink of choice, you’ll find a quote to make a toast to.
Amazing Drinking Alcohol Quotes
“Too much of anything is bad, but too much of whiskey is barely enough.”
“I don’t have a drinking problem. I drink, I get drunk, I fall down. No problem.”
“Alcohol – because no great story started with someone eating a salad.”
“Age is just a number. Mine is unlisted.”
“Save water, drink champagne.”
“Drink triple, see double, act single.”
“Everyone should believe in something. I believe I’ll have another drink.”
“If drinking makes you wise, I must be a genius by now.”
“Everything in moderation, including moderation.”
“I don’t always drink beer, but when I do, I ask for the day off tomorrow.”
“I wasn’t always this fabulous. It took wine.”
“Without vodka, winter would have no sun.”
“Drink wine. It isn’t good for you but neither am I.”
“Alcohol: a temporary solution to all of life’s problems.”
“Wine improves with age. The older I get, the better I like it.”
“Wine is my spirit animal.”
“I work hard each day so I can drink harder each night.”
“My drinking team has a bowling problem.”
“I’m not an alcoholic. Alcoholics go to meetings. I’m a drunk. We go to parties.”
“Wine a little. Laugh a lot.”
“A bad day with wine is better than a good day without it.”
“Without alcohol, I’d wake up alone every morning.”
“I like whiskey drunk better than vodka drunk. Tequila drunk is my least favorite me.”
“Drinking beer is easy. Drinking a beer silently is hard.”
“Sometimes when I reflect on all my drinking, I feel shame. Then I pour myself a drink and the feeling passes.”
“8 days without alcohol makes one weak.”
“I don’t have a drinking problem. I have a problem stopping.”
“One martini is all right. Two are too many. Three are not enough.”
Funny Drinking Quotes
“Trust me, you can dance.” – Vodka
“I work hard because alcohol is expensive.”
“Alcohol – turning denial into acceptance since 5000 BC.”
“Never cry over spilt milk. It could have been whiskey.”
“I never imagined in my drunken dreams that I’d climb this high.”
“Beer is the reason I wake up every afternoon.”
“Alcohol: takes the ‘over’ out of ‘overthinking.'”
“The liquor’s calling the shots now.”
“I don’t always drink, but when I do, I pass out wherever.”
“Today’s good mood is sponsored by wine.”
“Drinking rum before noon makes you a pirate not an alcoholic.”
“I only slur my words when sober.”
“Alcohol – turning denial into acceptance since 5000 BC.”
“The party starts when I walk in.”
“I’m fluent in sarcasm and alcohol.”
“I only drink on days with a ‘y’ in them.”
“I don’t always drink beer, but when I do, I ask for the day off tomorrow.”
“Spilled alcohol is a party foul!”
“I drink to forget I drink.”
“Alcohol: it lifts the spirits.”
“I’m not an alcoholic, I’m a drunk. Alcoholics go to meetings.”
“Stay salty, my friends. And may your margaritas stay salty too.”
“Drinking makes me better at drinking.”
“I only drink on days that don’t end in ‘y’.”
“Alcohol: turning denial into acceptance since 5000 BC.”
“I drink to make other people more interesting.” – Ernest Hemingway
“An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools.” – Ernest Hemingway
“Wine improves with age. The older I get, the better I like it.” – Anonymous
“Too much of anything is bad, but too much of whiskey is barely enough.” – Mark Twain
“I could refuse the bourbon, but I cannot refuse a mint julep.” – Winston Churchill
“Write drunk; edit sober.” – Ernest Hemingway
“An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools.” – Ernest Hemingway
“I took to drink. It brings out the best in me.” – W.C. Fields
“Whiskey puts a little pep in my step and slur in my words.”
“Drinking wine before noon makes you a connoisseur.”
“Vodka and I have a love-hate relationship – I love it and it hates me.”
“Tequila makes my clothes fall off. Or maybe that’s just me.”
“Fancy cocktails are nice but cold beer just hits different.”
“Sorry I’m late, I was pre-gaming with vodka and we lost track of time.”
“Coffee keeps me awake but red wine helps me sleep, strangely.”
“Bartender, surprise me with something strong enough to make tonight a blur.”
“Who needs a therapist when you’ve got Malbec?”
“I don’t always drink beer but when I do I prefer six in a row.”
“Tequila mocks me in the morning for the drunk texts I sent the night before.”
“Bartender, make it a double so I can stop overthinking things.”
“Make it a whiskey, straight up, like my life since I started drinking whiskey.”
“Tonight I plan on saying yes to tequila and no to good decisions.”
“Pretty sure my blood type is Pinot Noir positive.”
And there you have it – over 100 of the wittiest, funniest, and wisest drinking alcohol quotes ever uttered! From Hemingway to Homer Simpson, we covered a lot of ground and raised many glasses with this collection.
Whether you prefer wine, whiskey, beer or a signature cocktail, hopefully you found a new favourite drinking quote to make you smile. There’s so much humour, insight, and truth to be found in reflections on drinking alcohol responsibly and in moderation.
The next time you grab a drink, remember a few words from this post. Let a quote inspire your toast, or share one with a friend. These alcohol quotes perfectly capture the joy of sharing good drinks and good times.
Drinking can help create unforgettable memories when done sensibly. So the next time you hoist a glass, do so with the wisdom of these quotes in mind. And as many great writers and thinkers have remarked – sharing drinks with good company is one of life’s greatest pleasures. Cheers to that!
